Icha Icha Missing
by Rai-Child
Summary: When Kakashi's smut goes missing, no one is safe...
1. Genma And Raidou

Icha Icha Missing

Chapter One: Genma And Raidou

By: Rai-Child

Fandom: Naruto

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto OR My Name Is Earl or any of the characters.

Summary: When Kakashi's smut goes missing, no one is safe...

Author's Note: _I was watching TV the other day, and came across a particular episode of the TV show My Name Is Earl. I've blatantly drawn inspiration from this; it was some sort of 'mystery' episode regarding some spoons, or something like that. Knives and forks and stuff..._

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You know the kinda guys who always end up lumbered with the worst jobs that no one else will take? The sort of guys who accept their Jounin duties without a word but gripe about it when no one else is listening? You know, one who's ripped his tongue to shreds more than once 'cause of the weird need for a senbon in his mouth, and one who just wants a quiet life...?

That's us.

My name is Genma. He's Raidou.

_...Yeah, what he said._

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_This whole mess started about two days ago when Hokage-sama called us into her office. You just _know _that something's up when she's got the sake out, no bowls for it either. Drinking the stuff right out of the bottle, slumped over her desk. Gen had to poke her twice to get her to even look at us._

Tsunade is a very sleepy drunk. It's funny, how people can differ. Raidou here, he's an angry dru-

_Moving swiftly on- anyway, so she's sitting up straight at this point, right? Okay, so... Well done, you've interrupted my train of thought..._

_Right, anyway, I noticed one Hatake Kakashi standing over in the far corner. Hadn't seen him up until this point- it's scary how quiet the guy is when he wants to be. I could tell straight away that something was up. When Kakashi, he-who-weilds-Sharingan-like-a-sixth-sense-Kakashi, is angry, if you have any grasp of the term 'common sense' you'll run like hell._

I asked him what was up, but he said nothing. Didn't even move. It was kinda creepy.

Okay, back to the old lady. Despite the whole, swaying-on-the-spot thing, Tsunade managed to explain everything in fairly elaborate detail, considering the situation. I gotta say, I was impressed. Hardly slurred at all.

_Basically, a certain hentai novel had gone walk-about. And the thistle-headed nin sulking in the corner refused to take up any missions until it was recovered._

If that were _us, _it'd be more simple. Life isn't fair, and Hatake Kakashi is indispensable. Irreplaceable.

_Irritable?_

That too, particularly without his daily porn fix. You shoulda seen him, obviously imagining bloody murder for whoever had the damned book. It's like a drug or something- without Jiraiya no one would be safe. It'd be a case of 'hidden camera technology'. Imagine getting outta the shower to find some webcam's been watching you the whole time?

_You seem to know a lot about this..._

For our personal use only, babe. Promise.

_You've been _spying_ on me?_

My point is- he'd have to get his smut some other way, and no one would be spared. The book had to be recovered.

_We will be discussing this later._

Aww, but Rai-

_You're sleeping on the couch._

_Right, so that brings us neatly back to the present day. This is for the record- Genma and I will be interviewing each suspect and witness in turn, and hopefully everything will go according to plan and I'll be home in time to have a bath and get some sleep. It's a hard life, being a slave of Konoha._

...Now, how do you turn this thing off? Oh-

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_Yup, so that's it. This was meant to be an introductory chapter, more to come soon, if all goes well. Feel free to make up your own minds regarding 'whodunit'. X3_

_Ally_


	2. Kakashi

Icha Icha Missing

Chapter Two: Kakashi

By: Rai-Child

Fandom: Naruto

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto OR My Name Is Earl or any of the characters.

Summary: When Kakashi's smut goes missing, no one is safe...

Author's Note: _Nice, quick update for you. Enjoy!_

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You know the kinda guy who's perfectly relaxed, has a _slight _sadistic streak when it comes to three-man Genin cells, likes to molest his nine-times-out-of-ten unsuspecting lover _far _too much to be healthy, and generally doesn't give a damn about the world around him? That's me. You know the kinda guy who would happily _kill_ the next person to even _look _at him the wrong way? _That's_ me without my literature.

My name is Kakashi.

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I can't believe you people. It took you _two whole days _to come up with this? _This _is Genma's 'brilliant solution'?

Oh, so _you _thought of it, Raidou? Please, feel free to discuss your issues later- what's important right now is the theft.

So you want to know what happened? And you genuinely think this'll help?

Okay, so I last saw my book about a week ago. Want to know where it was? In my pocket. Where it always is. It wasn't just any book either, _oh no, _it was the latest instalment of the Icha Icha series. Gold in writing, put to paper by the great Jiraiya himself- the god of all perverts everywhere...

Why are we even doing this? We ALL know it was some snot-nosed Genin thinking they were being clever stealing Kakashi-sensei's property. My money's on either Uzumaki or Uchi- oh. Fine, fine, I'll carry on. Don't swallow that senbon of yours, now- Tsunade will be after my blood.

The book. It was in its usual place close to my heart, tucked away in the pocket of my Jounin vest. _That _was the last time I saw it. It was... Late. About eleven-ish, that's when I got back from my mission. Of course, in order to get Iruka-sensei in the nude, it always helps if you're also naked to begin with, and so the vest came off. Along with the rest of my uniform.

That night's worth of exercise involved tying him to a bedpost, so I'm pretty damned sure it wasn't taken from the hours of eleven until about six the following morning. The door was nailed to the frame with several kunai, and the windows too. My Chuunin can be sly when he wants to be. Naturally, the whole room was searched and Iruka's wrist was still bound to the post by the time morning came. Loosely, mind, he wouldn't have stood for anything otherwise, but the point is- I don't think he was in any position to take the book.

So, uh, the door was 'unlocked' at about six, since I had to be up early to finish off the mission report I'd... Well, conveniently 'forgotten' to hand in prior to my return home. Sure, Tsunade wasn't happy, but then neither was I. I reckon the papers are still rotting away in some drawer, blank. Icha Para was much more important at the time. I realised it was missing about half an hour later. After the bedroom had been searched, the rest of the flat came next. Nowhere to be seen. I asked Iruka. He just said something about burning the damned thing and wandered off into the village- had to pick up a few things before his classes started.

It's funny, he _had _been saying for a while now that he would permanently confiscate them if I kept reading them in public. Well, he's _tried _to anyway; he's never been successful.

Until now? I highly doubt it. Even he wouldn't be that cruel.

Thus, the four days after that were spent searching for the book and generally interrogating anyone who could have come into contact with it. A couple of death threats of course, thrown in for good measure… Not a word out of anyone. Liars. Someone out there has it, and I'm determined to get it back! Then, just to add insult to injury, the two days _after_ that have been wasted waiting for you two to get off your backsides.

Thanks a lot, guys. Thanks a lot.

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_X3 Many thanks to anyone who's commented so far! Yeah, they're very short, but this is 'light reading'. I'm thinking, decent update rate, plenty of chapters?_

_Ally_


	3. Sasuke

Icha Icha Missing

Chapter Three: Sasuke

By: Rai-Child

Fandom: Naruto

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto OR My Name Is Earl or any of the characters.

Summary: When Kakashi's smut goes missing, no one is safe...

Author's Note: _Chapter three... Not much else to say really! X3_

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You know the kinda guy who had his whole-clan-minus-one massacred before his eyes, has to avenge said clan and kill his older brother who murdered them all in the first place? The kinda guy who has the majority of the female population throwing themselves at him, despite the fact that he's evidently _not interested in the slightest _and would much rather kick the hell out of annoying last-place idiots during training sessions instead?

You've heard of me? Yeah, I thought you might.

It's most unfortunate.

My name is Sasuke.

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No need you to explain.

It may interest you to know that I _did _have the book. It's current whereabouts, however, are a different matter entirely.

It was a one-man mission set by myself, for myself, in an effort to save us all from the horrors of Kakashi-sensei reading smut in the middle of a training session.

Yes, it is amusing to watch the dobe spectacularly lose to him _whilst _he's reading said pornographic material, but really, it's not practical. Neither Sakura nor I benefited at all that day. This was about a week ago; the day before he went off on some mission involving 'the security of Konoha' that just couldn't wait.

It took careful planning and the usual avoidance of social contact; which in turn meant that both Naruto and Sakura had to be distracted. So, I tied the idiot to a tree and requested that Sakura 'guard' him whilst I went about my task. She's smarter than most give her credit for- that is, when she's not mindlessly stalking innocent individuals. She did her job well. Later, I'd return to find Uzumaki unconscious on the ground with an obvious handprint on his face, but that is irrelevant right now.

The trap had been set. I knew that he'd be awake the next morning at about six in the morning, Iruka-sensei too, most likely. So, at around said time, I left for their flat. The window was open, and the bedroom empty. The Jounin uniform was still on the floor. Anyone who's been around Kakashi-sensei long enough knows that he always keeps his Icha Para in his breast pocket. Don't ask me why- maybe it's for easy reach or something like that. Or to keep him from being hit with anything in the heart. It's like his bible in comparison, or something stupid like that.

Try as I might, I couldn't have stopped Team Seven's Kunoichi from uncovering the truth. It's like some sort of weird female sixth-sense, perhaps honed from experience with characters such as the dobe. Uzumaki Naruto is a magnet for trouble- not only does he create it, but he _attracts _it too. Idiot.

Anyway, I got the whole 'Sasuke-kun, what's wrong?' speech, and eventually let her in on it. Women. Still, I guess it'd take more than myself to keep Naruto from finding out. My reasoning was simple- Naruto knows, Konoha knows. He wouldn't have been able to keep it quiet, probably would have claimed it as his own idea and then gone off bragging, loudly. To Kakashi-sensei himself, most likely.

Thankfully, we had the common sense not to tell him.

The last time I saw the book, it was in Sakura's hands. Less suspicious. I would have been fought for it, had I been spotted, but Sakura tucked it away into her weapons pouch. It's handy really, them being as small as they are. I can see why Kakashi-sensei would consider them portable instant-entertainment.

The bottom line is, I took it for the good of innocent Genin everywhere. It was in my possession. However who's got it now is unknown. I'd say good luck, but maybe it's better off _not _in the hands of Hatake Kakashi.

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_Fin. X3_

_Ally_


	4. Sakura

Icha Icha Missing

Chapter Four: Sakura

By: Rai-Child

Fandom: Naruto

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto OR My Name Is Earl or any of the characters.

Summary: When Kakashi's smut goes missing, no one is safe...

Author's Note: _Enjoy:)_

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You know the kinda girl who's _obviously _found her Prince Charming, but said Prince Charming is just too blind to notice? Even though they're absolutely perfect together- made for each other? The kinda girl who's smart and completely gorgeous, but always seems to attract the wrong type?

Yes, they're usually either the loud-and-green or the loud-and-orange variety, but that's beside the point...

My name is Sakura.

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Oh, so... You know about Sasuke-kun, and what happened to Kakashi-sensei's romance novel?

Well, I use the term 'romance' very loosely... Very, _very_ loosely.

Sure, I can tell you what I know. I don't particularly see the significance of one book, but still...

What you need to understand is, I was just his beautiful sidekick. He took the book out of daring and sheer bravery, and I was there to help him once he'd actually got the damned thing.

It all started the day before Kakashi-sensei left for those few hours about a week ago. I _knew _that Sasuke-kun was plotting something- I know him inside and out, after all. It wasn't hard to pick up on what was going on. Naturally, I was happy to keep Naruto tied up for a little while; just the length of time it took for Sasuke-kun to carefully plan everything out. Ino-pig says Shikamaru's a brilliant tactician- she obviously doesn't know Sasuke-kun as well as she thinks she does. I mean, this was _real _brilliance- being able to separate Kakashi-sensei from his Icha Icha Paradise, or whatever it is.

From here, there was the day of Kakashi-sensei's mission, and then the following morning the plan was put into action. I was curious as to exactly_ what _Sasuke-kun had been doing when I was recruited to distract Uzumaki, and so managed to get it out of him in the end. He showed me the book. Beating up Naruto repeatedly for about an hour had been so, so worth it.

My first reaction was understandable, in my opinion. I really didn't want to touch it. In all seriousness, exactly where it had been was anyone's guess. It was _Kakashi-sensei's. _That's enough in itself.

Eventually, I had to be trusted with it- the thing went into my weapons pouch. Think about it.

I'm carrying the book. Naruto somehow sees it.

_"What's that Sakura-chan?"_

_"Nothing, Naruto."_

_"Okay." _End of story. He's too mesmerised by my fabulousness to pursue it.

Sasuke-kun is carrying the book.

_"What's that, teme?" _Okay, so now Sasuke-kun just looks all sexy-mysterious like he usually does, and says nothing. Naruto proves that he has the tact and social skills of a gnat and attacks. The book is ruined. Kakashi-sensei has our heads on a stick.

The end.

Heh, I'm just happy that it_ didn't _end like that. I had Kakashi-sensei's porn, and I took it back home and hid it under my bed. If Mom caught me with it... I'd be dead by now. Yeah, that was the last time I saw the damned thing.

Wha? Anything after that...

The girls came around the night after that for a sleepover. You know, Hinata and Tenten and Ino. What would _Hinata-chan _want with smut? She's too... Too shy. And Tenten, she's said before that it's offensive and derogatory to women everywhere, and Ino...

Ino.

Ino-_pig. _Have you interviewed _her _yet?

I… I don't _think _any of them saw it… But it was definitely gone. Definitely. The next morning, when they had all left, I don't remember seeing it. Did I check? I really can't remember. But, it was there before, and afterwards it had somehow gone walk-about. It's got to be one of the girls- if Mom or Dad found it, I'd have been in serious trouble by now.

If Ino _has _got it... Or even if she did have it and it somehow got out again...

She's going to blab.

I'm going to be labelled an underage Kakashi-sensei!

My life is over.

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_Fin. _

_Ally_


	5. Tenten

Icha Icha Missing

Chapter Five: Tenten

By: Rai-Child

Fandom: Naruto

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto OR My Name Is Earl or any of the characters.

Summary: When Kakashi's smut goes missing, no one is safe...

Author's Note: _I'm having a lot of fun writing this. I just hope you guys enjoy reading it as much as I have typing it up... X3_

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You know the kinda girl who's fairly quiet and respectful, but strong underneath? The kind of girl who stands up for what she believes in? The kind of girl who is slowly becoming immune to the... Uh... _Interesting _training techniques of her sensei and teammate?

My name is Tenten.

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I'm glad I came when I did- it seems there's another fight starting up as we speak.

...Did you two speak to Haruno Sakura earlier?

It's just... Well, to cut a long story short, she's currently outside picking a fight with Ino. You know- Yamanaka? Blonde, mouthy...

I think there may be blood drawn soon. Maybe we'd better shut the door, just in case they feel like bringing their little 'discussion' inside...

Okay.

I'd spent the day training, as per usual. Neji and I usually leave Gai and Lee to it- I certainly don't want to be doing fifty laps around Konoha in the early hours of the morning- _but sensei, shouldn't we make it a hundred? _They just egg each other on. It can't be healthy. Anyway, yes. A Hyuuga really is an ideal training partner for someone such as myself. Actually landing a hit is always a worthy challenge.

I hadn't heard anything at all about the missing porn at this point- is it okay to say that on the tape? Erm, yeah, so... Well, when Sakura-chan told me the other girls were having a get-together, (it had been a while), I thought nothing of it. You know- great! Hinata-chan and I get to sit around listening to Ino and Sakura fight over the Uchiha again! Prime entertainment!

I _don't _think.

But, I agreed. Sometimes I wonder why this stuff keeps happening to me- first I get put in a team with a pair of lunatics, (don't get me wrong, I love them to bits), and _then _I turn up at Sakura's house to find _smut _hidden under her bed. Perhaps I was just asking for trouble, for accepting the invite in the first place. Still, Hinata and I had a decent time, mainly talking about Uzumaki Naruto and what was happening with her team at the moment. She's a good kid.

I first noticed the Icha-thing when Sakura left to use the bathroom. I remember it being... Suddenly quiet. Blissfully quiet. No noise, no screaming at each other, no Ino-pig and Forehead-girl...

Now I come to think of it, they sound like some sort of superhero duo.

Please don't tell them I said that. Anyway, I was speechless.

Do you _know _where Jiraiya-sama gets his inspiration for those 'novels' from? Yes, he's a Sanin, but he's also a perverted one at that! It's derogatory to women everywhere. It had to be removed.

Well, I say that, but the only reason I took it was because Hinata-chan looked over my shoulder and asked what I was poking at. I don't encourage robbery, but it was either leave it where it was for her to discover later and have a heart-attack over, or hide it away.

In my bag.

Don't look at me like that! I considered burning it. I really did. But, on the other hand, it wasn't my property. I meant to return it as soon as possible, preferably without Sakura-chan finding out, to save us both the embarrassment.

...So what if Sakura finds that sort of thing... Uh... Arousing?

She's, what, twelve? Thirteen? Is that normal for a thirteen-year-old to have...?

Okay. Moving on- I tried to return the book the next morning, tucked it away in my weapons pouch as per usual, but when I actually came to the girl, the book was gone.

I didn't say anything to her. Is that why they're fighting out there? Sakura thinks Ino-chan stole her hentai?

I haven't seen it since. Sorry.

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_End of Chapter Five... X3_

_Ally_


	6. Neji And Lee

Icha Icha Missing

Chapter Six: Neji And Lee

By: Rai-Child

Fandom: Naruto

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto OR My Name Is Earl or any of the characters.

Summary: When Kakashi's smut goes missing, no one is safe...

Author's Note: _I like writing in two characters at once… Makes me happy. Here's some Neji-and-Lee for you! X3_

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_You know the type of guy..._

_…Why am I even doing this? It's ludicrous._

Never fear! I shall aid you in your valiant descriptions, Neji-san! We are constantly striving for love and truth- for peace in our village! We shall train with bravery and relentlessness, until no enemy can stand in our path to ultimate vict-

_My name is Neji._

-ory! That is our promise!

_...That's Lee._

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_Naturally, I have always respected Tenten as the skilled Kunoichi she is, and it would have never crossed my mind to ever pry in her personal life. Of course, that includes her belongings. No, I'm not talking about her underwear- aren't Jounin supposed to be _mature_ citizens? Protectors of their village? Disgraceful. I would never-_

I had heard Gai-sensei's eternal rival, Kakashi-san, talking with his true love about something of his that had gone missing! This _was _the day before the item of much interest fell into our hands, but I saw it as valuable information nevertheless!

_Lee heard Kakashi-san and Iruka-sensei discussing the disappearance of the book, during a brief venture past the Academy. Naturally, I was informed of this after the item fell into our hands, but that's of little importance at this point._

_It was not until the next morning that we found ourselves unfortunate enough to come into possession of Hatake Kakashi's smut. We were on our way to the training ground, and indeed to find Tenten and inform her of that day's plan, when-_

I spotted the fair lady walking on up ahead! I shouted her name, but she did not hear, though I noticed something fall to the ground at her feet!

_This is where it all gets ridiculous. It's... An awful example of cliché, I must admit. The book just _happened _to fall out of Tenten's weapons pouch, and she just _happened_ to keep walking without even noticing... Much to my dismay, that is exactly what happened. Once again, it is most unfortunate._

I went ahead, but made no further effort to stop her. I picked up the book and... It was Kakashi-san's Icha Icha novel, his most prized possession! I vowed to return it to him in record time, that nothing should stand in the way of justice!

I am still at loss as to how Tenten-sama acquired the item in the first place, but I am certain it was through most noble means! In fact, she probably intended to return it herself, but by a cruel twist of fate it was ripped from her!

_Lee, it was sticking out of the top. It was inevitable._

On the contrary! It was so much more, I-

_I took it from him, to examine it, and immediately wished that I hadn't. In fact, if it had been up to me, I wouldn't have touched it in the first place... That is, if I'd have known previously what it was._

I wished to return it, but-

_It went in the trash. Where it belongs. Rubbish should stay in the rubbish, you understand?_

How could you Neji-sama? Kakashi-san's prized-

_It was porn, Lee. Porn. I'm sure I saved Iruka-sensei a whole lot of hassle- he'd have probably put the damned thing through the shredder anyway, you know what Hatake's like._

I did not have a say in the matter. However, as teammates, we much trust each other's most sound judgement! As Neji-san's teammate, I believe that his actions were most justified! It was for the good of the village and all within its walls!

We pressed forward with bravery and courage, and did not inform Tenten that the book was missing. It broke my heart to withhold information so viciously, however, when we found her with Sakura-san, she seemed to have forgotten. We went on to train with vigour and-

_And you came dangerously close to breaking your legs- again. What good is taijutsu if you're snapped in half? Unnecessary-_

-useful!

_-risks._

I must do my best for my village and my team! It was the only way, Neji-sama! If I can effectively perform the jutsu-

_Thank you for your time. However, I can't say I hope it is recovered._

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_X3 Fin._

_Ally_


	7. Konohamaru

Icha Icha Missing

Chapter Seven: Konohamaru

By: Rai-Child

Fandom: Naruto

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto OR My Name Is Earl or any of the characters.

Summary: When Kakashi's smut goes missing, no one is safe...

Author's Note: _Sorry about any confusion here- this is NOT the end of the fic. There's a while to go yet. X3 But that's a good thing, right? This is my favourite chapter so far. I really hope you enjoy. :)_

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You know the kinda guy who's _obvious _future Hokage... Uh... Material? THAT'S ME! I'm amazing! I'm gonna be the best ninja there ever was, and I'll kick Naruto's ass in front of Iruka-sensei so he'll think I'm cool and stuff and when he makes me Genin he'll give me all the awesome missions! You know, the kind where you get to kill bad guys and stuff?

..._And _I have a cool scarf. Does Naruto have a cool scarf? No. Heh.

My name is Konohamaru.

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You'll _never _guess what I found in the trash a few days ago!

Right, right, right, promise you won't tell and I'll let you guys in on it.

Promise?

Pinky swe- Good.

It was this book, right, it looked kinda worn and it was just small enough to fit in someone's pocket. You know, the sort people can carry around with them?

Wait, wait... I still haven't told you the best part...

_There was a naked lady on the front!_

Okay, I'll cut you guys a deal. I tell you how I used my ace ninja skills to find the book, and you two promise to tell the Hokage about my awesome-ness, 'kay? Then she'll _have _to consider me as a candidate! Yeah, I _know _she's all busy with the Chuunin exams and stuff, but future-Hokage stuff is important, right?

Anyway, I'd been doing my usual thing, you know, protecting the village from unseen enemy ninja all you lazy Jounin had _obviously_ missed, when I spotted something a little down the road, sticking out of a bin. See, it was pretty full, and the book was just lying on top.

This is the part where I used my ninja skills to get to it! See, I was on the roof at the time, and I pinpointed its location and stuff, and then jumped down to get it. It was from really high up too; I'll bet you two have _never_ been up as high as I have. I knew I had to get it before anyone else did, so I had to be fast.

And I _was. _Damn right I was.

I picked it up, (sure it had a banana-skin on it, but it wasn't a problem for me), and quickly moved away from the scene. You know, people get suspicious when you search through their trash. Usually it means they have something to hide, but I overlooked any potential threats on this one occasion to take a look at the book...

It was so. Cool. Cooler than anything Naruto's ever found! Pictures! Lots of pictures. You'd have liked it, but...

No, I didn't lose it.

I _didn't._

You're being totally unfair, just _listen_ to me! A good ninja never lets anything slip from their grasp! I didn't drop it, I swear! I was gonna take it to the academy to show Iruka-sensei how I'd used my inner ninja to locate it and stuff, but...

There was this... This Inuzuka with his dog...

He was a total jerk. Teme. That book was mine- _I _found it, so _I _should have got to keep it.

He said... Well, it was something along the lines of, 'and what have we got here?' and _then _he said I shouldn't be reading that sorta stuff when I'm obviously underage.

He was underage too! I'm serious- I'd have kicked his ass! I'd have smashed his stupid face in! I'd got him cornered and everything, ready to strike, but...

...He was taller than me.

_AND _he had the puppy. Two against one! It was _so _unfair! I was gonna show Iruka-sensei and make him think I'm cool! 'Cause he talks to Tsunade a lot, right? She'll get to chose the next Hokage, so I wanted to prove myself... But the jerk stole the book. And ran off laughing.

When _I'm _Hokage, I'll have him beaten up. You two can do the honours; you'll be working for me, right? Of course you will. I'm awesome.

Uh... Do me a favour- when you report back to the Old Lady, _don't _tell her about the Inuzuka. Just... I'll say I hid it. For safe keeping. And I'll hand it over if she makes me a Genin early. Yeah, I know I've got a while to go, but for someone such as myself, it's never too early. As I said, I'm amazing at this ninja stuff. Just watch-!

Oops.

Is it broken? I'm sorry- don't tell Tsunade about that either. She'll kill me for breaking her table-thingie...

Is the microphone damaged? _HELLO?_

_CAN YOU HEAR ME?_

Maybe if I press _this_ button-

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_X3_

_Ally_


	8. Kiba

Icha Icha Missing

Chapter Eight: Kiba

By: Rai-Child

Fandom: Naruto

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto OR My Name Is Earl or any of the characters.

Summary: When Kakashi's smut goes missing, no one is safe...

Author's Note: _Sorry about the slight delay! X3 No, I haven't been slacking- a certain Kingdom Hearts fic has been demanding attention for a while now, I've been working on the update. 0.o; This chapter's a teeny bit longer than the others. I really hope you enjoy. _

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You know the kinda guy who's pretty much laid-back, but is constantly stuck with uptight excuses for teammates? The kinda guy who just wants to have a laugh, go for walks with his nin-dog and generally avoid baths at all cost?

Heh. I'm just kidding.

...What do you mean, when was the last time I-

I do _not _smell bad.

Hey, you wanna hear what I've got to say or not?

My name is Kiba.

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I had a feeling I was gonna be called here.

It's all over Konoha, for some unknown reason. You know, _'Pervert Jounin misplaces Hentai' _and all that.

Seriously, if you're gonna read the stuff publicly, at least make sure you don't go letting it out of your sight. You don't know who could be after it.

Like a certain brat for instance...

He's Jiraiya in the making. I just know it. And he hasn't even made it to Genin yet! He's too young!

Me- I'm not overly bothered. You know, little kids can read what the hell they want; I'm not particularly interested. Still, when you see free reading material practically under your nose when you're just _walking down the street, _it's hard to pass up the chance.

No, I don't read smut on a regular basis. Not that I've never seen it before, but- hey, I'm a guy! What do you expect?

Nope, let's just leave it at that. I don't even want to _know _what you two get up to when no one's around... Urgh. I'm scarred for life. You're paying for my therapy.

Uh, so 'Maru and I were on our way to the training ground a few days ago... Decided to take a shortcut through the centre of the village rather than taking the usual route. We were already late 'cause the alarm clock didn't go off. Or at least I don't think it did. Akamaru might've attacked it again, I dunno. The point is- Kurenai-sensei gets _really _pissy if you just wander in late.

Hell has no fury like... Hell hath... Oh never mind.

I wasn't aware at the time that the book was Hatake property. We were just making our way over to the main gate when I noticed this brown-haired shrimp with his nose buried in some porn novel or something. It was kinda hard to miss him, skulking down one of those side-streets that leads off from the main road. Completely obvious. That, and, the book smelt like something I don't particularly _want _to name.

Come to think of it, maybe I'd have been better steering well-clear.

Well, it's not really a question of what Hatake's been doing to it... More like _on _it, or _over _it... Maybe you should talk to Iruka-sensei. Or not. Depends how much you value your manhoods.

Akamaru didn't seem particularly fazed, and his sense of smell is _way _better'n mine. So, I just went over to see what the hell it was.

A little kid, looking at some chicks boobs.

Sooo, I decided to do the right thing, and I took it from him. Simple. He came out with all this crap about how he was gonna 'kick my ass' and the like, but it's kinda useless when you're seriously vertically challenged compared to your opponent. See it as teaching him an important lesson. What that lesson is exactly, I'm not particularly sure, but maybe he'll think twice next time before going and stealing other peoples' smut.

Did I- wuh? No, I _didn't _go and give it back Kakashi.

Number one: I didn't know it was his in the first place.

Two: Are you mad? Pass up the chance to-

...I've only really seen it once before. Naruto can't get hold of that sort of stuff on pain of death- Iruka-sensei'd kill him before he could even turn the first page. Same for Kakashi, if he ever caught the idiot. Only, he'd probably take it for himself rather than burn it.

And... Yeah. I _did _have a look at something on one occasion...

It was a short-lived luxury.

You see these marks? Hana-nee-chan's claws. That's right.

She's _vicious. _Maybe it's a kunoichi thing. Don't even get me _started_ on my mom. I'd be dead by now if it was _her _who'd tried to kick me through a wall. Very much so.

Actually, it's a good job none of my family was there at the time, otherwise they'd probably still be scraping me off of the road right now.

So, I left again for the training ground, took the 'novel' as some light-reading material for the journey...

I made it to the clearing eventually. It's just a shame the book wasn't as fortunate.

I had barely made it out of the gate when I ran into Uzumaki. Yes, he's a moron, but if you just zone out and not really listen to him, it usually passes the time.

Like hell I was gonna show it to him just like that! I was late as it was!

He recognized it straight away. Probably spending a little _too _much time with Kakashi, if you ask me.

I don't think there's _anyone _in our age group who doesn't know about 'The Day Kiba's Sister Kicked His Ass Over Porn'. It should be pretty damn obvious that I wasn't too keen on the prospect of a repeat.

So, on threat of sister-dearest discovering what me and 'Maru had picked up on our walk, I showed it to him. And made a mental note to take my revenge later. Serves him right for blackmailing me.

No, Naruto didn't take it. As if I'd let him. Oh no, the day went from bad to worse when a certain individual with a stick perminantly lodged up his ass came up right behind us and-

And at _first _I was like, 'what the hell, _Shino?' _and then it was, 'what the hell, he's just as late as I am?'.

He said that he expected better of me.

Then thought better of it and corrected his mistake. Teme.

Yep, last time I saw it, Bug-Freak had it. Kept it _all _the way through training too, never said a word. I _did _intend to take it when he wasn't looking, but how was I supposed to know where he'd put it?

...Exactly how many pockets are there in that stupid jacket of his anyway?

The bottom line is, Kurenai-sensei got angry and made us do laps as punishment, Hinata-chan said next to nothing as-per-usual, and Shino walked off with the porn I'd spent valuable time stealing from some pervy kid in the street.

Nothing more to add, I guess...

Wait- Naruto?

I send Akamaru into his flat to take care of some... Unfinished business... Uzumaki really should remember to lock his window before he leaves the place.

Revenge is sweet.

-----

_This came out well, considering. I'm happy with it. Many, many thanks to anyone who's reviewed so far- I can't believe the response! You guys are amazing! I've never had this many before. Makes me feel… All warm and fuzzy inside… X3 Much love._

_Ally_


	9. Shino

Icha Icha Missing

Chapter Nine: Shino

By: Rai-Child

Fandom: Naruto

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto OR My Name Is Earl or any of the characters.

Summary: When Kakashi's smut goes missing, no one is safe...

Author's Note: _Urgh. I don't want to be making a habit of this, honest. Wrote and rewrote and rewrote again… To be perfectly blunt, I really don't like this chapter. 0.o; It's kinda hard to inject even a smidgen of humour into Shino without turning him into someone else. No offense, 'cause I love him. Figured I'd rather keep him in-character, so sorry if this chapter's not what you hoped for…_

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How many shinobi does it take to catch a tactless Inuzuka and his moronic companion red-handed?

Just the one.

My name is Shino.

It seems Kiba's lessons in 'humour' are paying off...

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It was a couple of days ago, when the book came into my possession.

As with almost every inappropriate thing I have been unfortunate enough to witness, Inuzuka Kiba was once again behind it. I had no idea that the novel belonged to Kakashi-san, but I am aware that at that point it had more or less become public knowledge. Whether or not Kiba knew that it was the property of said Jounin is unknown, but in all honesty I am not certain of whether he would have returned it straight away, regardless.

The morning had been perfectly uneventful, as far as mornings in Konoha go, and after the usual early rise I had simply been in the Aburame compound. Kiba, Hinata-sama and I had all been instructed the day before to meet with Kurenai-sensei on the usual training ground, and yet an important meeting did mean that I was going to be late. As a future clan head, I was expected to attend. Father was unimpressed, nevertheless, that I had to leave so abruptly afterwards, particularly because clan members from other villages had also been invited.

Not only is this essential for the clan, but it also benefits Konoha's alliances.

In actual fact, I had caught sight of my teammate before he was met by Uzumaki Naruto, just outside the main gate. This was indeed the reason I was able to catch up, as Kiba and Akamaru found themselves temporarily delayed by his antics. There was something in Kiba's hand that he was obviously interested in.

It may or may not be of use to you to know that the pair generally do not get along. Kiba did not seem particularly happy with the arrangement, but he showed Naruto nevertheless. Maybe it was due to the few unsavoury words on Naruto's behalf. My Kikai are naturally overly-sensitive to sound, so hearing Uzumaki's threats regarding Hana-san was easy even from a few metres back.

The last time it happened, from the black eye and marks on his upper-arms, I could only deduct that Hana's lesson regarding the dangers of pornography had been most thorough.

I assume I must have misinterpreted the situation, considering Kiba was once again in the possession of something he really shouldn't have had.

This behaviour needed to be corrected, of course, and when I saw the book myself I was quite taken-aback.

Perhaps smut is intended for male bonding or something of the like, but the two were perfectly happy just to stand there and read rather than trying to mutilate each other. I had been standing right behind them for a good five minutes, as it occurred to me that we were already late anyway and another lesson in self-control would be a productive use of time, if we were to be scolded regardless.

I would rather not repeat the contents of the page or so I had the liberty of viewing, and of course the extra height I have over the both of them also aided me on this particular venture.

...Call me a closet-pervert _again _and it will be the last thing you ever say.

With all due respect of course, Shiranui-san.

I took it from them for two reasons, the first being that we were already late and Kiba was doing nothing to fix this error, and then there was the book itself. I cannot say that it was appropriate, for age _or _occasion.

Kiba was not at all pleased with my endeavour to save him from the evils of adult-rated material.

However, his wrath was a mere portion of that of Kurenai-sensei.

On top of the usual training regime, we also made several laps of the village, which was a fitting punishment. She was uninterested that I had been delayed by clan business, but I made no further effort to protest. Kiba, on the other hand, complained loudly for a significant amount of time and then spent the rest trying to take the book back from me.

By this point, I had stowed it away in my jacket, and unless he was intending to undress me in the middle of Konoha, he had absolutely no chance. All he could do was employ the usual theatrics, but it's always best to ignore those.

Not knowing that it was Kakashi-san's, the moment we were excused I left to dispose of the novel appropriately. Naturally, this meant crossing through the river just to be sure Kiba and Akamaru wouldn't simply follow my scent, and burying it about half a mile west of the village. That way, if needs be, I could retrieve it.

The next morning I was informed of the book's owner by _Hinata _of all people- she had heard from Sakura that it had gone missing, since it had been in her possession. Apparently it was the initial doing of Team Seven, though judging by Uzumaki's reaction to Kiba's 'find', I can only guess that Sasuke and Sakura couldn't have let him in on it.

Being so painfully loud, (and indeed _orange)_, it is obviously difficult for Naruto to even comprehend the meaning of 'stealth'.

By the time I went to retrieve the book it must have been around ten o'clock, as I left promptly with Hinata in tow. We went to the correct place, only to find that it was missing. I am certain it _was _the same place- the suspicious hole in the ground where it had been dug up served as a sufficient clue as to what had happened.

I'm afraid I have no ideas as to exactly _who _could have taken it, but I _can_ say that it wasn't Kiba again. I was initially suspicious of his innocence, but he indeed didn't have it on his person. The Kikai I sent would have immediately detected it.

My apologies to Kakashi-san. You'll have to ask elsewhere.

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_Any ideas as to exactly _who _has Kakashi's smut? I've heard a few suggestions so far, but no one's got it yet. X3 I myself know where this is going- but I have to keep you guessing. __:) Next chapter coming soon(er!)._

_Ally_


	10. Naruto

Icha Icha Missing

Chapter Ten: Naruto

By: Rai-Child

Fandom: Naruto

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto OR My Name Is Earl or any of the characters.

Summary: When Kakashi's smut goes missing, no one is safe...

Author's Note: _Thanks very much to anyone who's submitted their ideas! X3 I've been extremely busy and have had little Internet time- (thank you, one-day weekend), but I really do try to reply personally to any reviews. I can say that no one's got it so far. :) Still, they've all been fairly justified, (and sometimes CLOSE!) guesses, so well done! Enjoy the next chapter. xxx_

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You know the kinda guy who's _the _best ninja in his year group, but always gets overlooked 'cause of idiots who think they're the best at everything? The kinda guy who COULD KICK SASUKE'S ASS IF HE TRIED, but only lost the last time… And the time before that… And… Oh, forget it.

I was going easy on him! I swear!

My name is Naruto-ttebayo!

-----

I have had the _weirdest _few days of my entire life.

Or at least as far back as I can remember, anyway. Everything's been really messed up for the past week- dunno why. It's all a big trick if you ask me. Any minute now, Sakura-chan and Sasuke-teme will jump outta a bush or somethin' and yell; _"SURPRISE! You're not going completely insane!"._

Everyone's been acting real shifty. It's funny really, how things can go downhill so quickly. The week before was absolutely fine, nothing unusual there, and yet a couple o' days ago...

The teme tied me to a tree and left me there to be Sakura-chan's practise dummy.

You know Sakura-chan, right?

Ah. It was _great. _Just like a real date, y'know? Well, with a lot more pain and screaming and stuff, but it was _Sakura-chan. _She's awesome. And _I _got to spend an hour with her, whilst Sasuke was off being the stupid jerk he generally is. It's a shame, 'cause he's so mean to Sakura-chan, I don't think she really _wanted _to smack me in the face, but she did it 'cause he told her to.

It turns out she's beautiful _and _strong; 'cause somewhere towards the end I passed out.

It was _awesome._

Uh, anyway, by the time I came around, they'd left. At least they'd had the decency to untie me, I guess.

Still, it makes me wonder what it was all about. See- _that _was the first time things got a little too weird for my liking. After that, it was like I was invisible or something. It must have been the next day 'cause the sun was up and stuff, (I dunno exactly how long I was unconscious for, but there you go), but I passed that chick Tenten in the street.

She just looked right through me. Didn't even notice me.

I only know her 'cause she's Team Gai's kunoichi, but still. It was _cold. _I yelled after her and everything, but she just went right on ahead. Maybe she didn't remember me. I've only really spoken to her when I was with Lee.

...Preoccupied, huh? You spoken to her?

Or anyone else for that matter. I just wanna know what the hell's been going on!

Confi-wuh?

Ninja confidentiality? Lies. You just like watching me squirm- you're _just _as bad as Kakashi-sensei.

Uh, anyway... I ran into Kiba later on that day. You'll never guess what he had; one of those Icha Icha thingies Ero-sennin writes! Kakashi-sensei has one just like it, but he never lets me look, 'cause he's mean like that. It's only 'cause it's about sex and naked people and stuff- he told me I was too immature.

What is it with you Jounin and your dumb excuses? You just know I'm smarter than the lot of you.

...When I'm Hokage, you'll all _have _to be nice to me and... Tell me stuff... Yeah.

Erm, so... Ran into the Inuzuka as I was on my way back into the village. I'd been training on my own, 'cause a certain pervert sensei was refusing to leave his house, and Sasuke and Sakura-chan were avoiding me like the plague. Just a question- do I smell bad or something...?

I managed to get Kiba to show me anyway. He's easily outsmarted. Or maybe I'm just great, who knows. But that's not the point; dog-boy and me were lookin' at the book, when _Shino _just popped up over Kiba's shoulder. I very nearly wet myself- he really shouldn't sneak up on people like that. Maybe the Inuzuka's used to it, 'cause he just stood there like_ 'what the hell'_, rather than very nearly losing the contents of his bladder.

People like Aburame Shino are the very reason _why _I have stomach problems.

There was this one time, when the Old Lady was running this Academy thing...

What do you mean, you don't wanna know? It's a great story! 'Cause when you gotta go, you gotta go, you understand?

Right, so we'd _just _got to the interesting part, and then Shino was all _'yoink!', _but in that scary, Shino sorta way, and he just walked off with it, dragging Kiba after him. I just stood there. I reckon he put it in his jacket, see, and getting it back seemed to be a good filler mission whilst everyone else was off being odd for some reason.

I'd decided to follow 'em. Maybe it wasn't the best idea- they had to do laps around Konoha for a while. Serves them right. Shino for stealing the book, and Kiba for being a general asshole. He thinks he's great. And oh-so-sneaky.

The next morning, I'd get out of bed only to put my feet in dog piss.

I'm not kidding.

Still, if there's one thing you learn about Inuzuka, it's that they can't stand strong smells. Like... Spices and stuff. I got some pepper from the market yesterday.

...Kiba will _pay._

Wuh? I _am _on track! I was just telling you what a jerk he is!

...Fine. Have it your way. After they'd finished up with their punishment, Shino went off on his own, taking the book with him. Kiba and the puppy just went off elsewhere, as far as I'm concerned, but Shino obviously didn't want 'em following him. He even went through water and stuff, so they'd lose track of his scent. See, I knew I had to get to it first, so I stayed within a close enough distance to see him, but not so much as I'd be caught. Bear in mind he's got his bug thingies too, so that makes him pretty hard to sneak up on.

Followed him for _ages. _He stopped in this clearing, dug a shallow hole and buried the book. Not exactly sure why- what the worms would want with Icha Icha, I have no idea. Still, it was almost too good to be true. So _easy_. I just crouched there under the bushes and waited for him to leave. Seriously- sometimes I'm a pure genius.

…Why are you laughing?

You know, in the end I gave up. On the book, I mean. I thought I'd read it all the way through, starting with the first page and so on, but… It was completely boring. No violence. No cool ninja stuff.

Don't get me wrong, there were lots of boobs. _Lots _of boobs. It's okay for guys like me, but for Kakashi-sensei… He's not supposed to like boobs. Or at least I don't think he is. I offered to teach Iruka-sensei Sexy no Jutsu, but he just gave me _the look _and I shut my mouth.

When Iruka-sensei gives you _the look, _you know it's time to be quiet.

Maybe he knows Sexy no Jutsu already, and just won't admit it. Either that, or Kakashi-sensei taught it to him. Everyone's _always_ abusing my amazing technique, though I think I have found a willing student. The brat Konohamaru wants me to teach it to him.

He thinks he'll get to Hokage before me.

Ha!

Yep, so… I just put the book on my shelf and left it. It lasted a day until Iruka-sensei found it. He has a 'pervert radar', which naturally would zero in on the porn. It was the next morning, when he came over to say hi and stuff. I wanted someone to talk to, y'know? Everyone else had ran off.

Erm, well it started with the usual, 'Naruto, your place is a tip', and somehow turned into, 'why the _hell _have you got hentai in your room?'.

I told him it wasn't mine. He didn't say anything.

I'm kinda worried about him actually. I don't want Kakashi-sensei turning him into a closet pervert. Or an _open _one either, for that matter. Sometimes, I can't sleep at night.

…Maybe it's an omen.

I've been dreaming a lot, recently…

Well, I'm off. I'm a busy guy, see. Places to go, ramen to eat, people to throw pepper at…

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_End of Chapter 10. X3 (Jeez, this fic is growing fast... 0///o)_

_Ally_


	11. Iruka

Icha Icha Missing

Chapter Eleven: Iruka

By: Rai-Child

Fandom: Naruto

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto OR My Name Is Earl or any of the characters.

Summary: When Kakashi's smut goes missing, no one is safe...

Author's Note: _Again, a slight delay. I know. I've been a busy girl- revising for GCSEs next week, had a trip to London, brother's fourteenth birthday… The world has been against me. 0.o;_

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You know the kinda guy who's pretty much average as far as shinobi go? The kind that spends his time teaching would-be Ninja, running round after spiky-haired, ramen-eating Genin, and generally trying to avoid spontaneous molestation _every time _he bumps into a certain shameless pervert?

Heh. I'm easily embarrassed.

Kakashi certainly knows how to take advantage of it...

My name is Iruka.

-----

...I'm in trouble, aren't I?

Ever had one of those days, one of those _weeks, _where nothing's gone your way?

And all for what? Kakashi's smut. I should know- I was there when it went missing. Well, I say I was there, let's just say I was a little pre-occupied at the time. Kakashi didn't let me go until he was satisfied that the flat _wasn't _full of rogue Genin plotting to steal his porn-

...Sasuke?

That's just great. Once he finds out… Maybe I should warn Sakura-chan in advance. Enraged Sharingan-Kakashi versus Team Seven… It's doesn't even bear thinking about. And I'll bet _that's _how Naruto got hold of it then? He got it off of Sasuke?

Yeah, if you've spoken to Naruto, you'll know I found it in his room. Exactly _why _he had Icha Icha- _Kakashi's _Icha Icha, of all things- is completely beyond me, but still. I confiscated it; whether he had actually read it or not was another matter. He hasn't been having a great time lately. He says everyone's been busy.

It can't _all _be down to the book, surely?

I feel awful. I really do. See, the thing is, I'd had it for an hour or two. Not really all that long, but still. It's no excuse. He's going to be angry, isn't he? I told myself that I'd go and find him as soon as possible, but a sulking Hatake Kakashi is extremely hard to track down. It's like locating a moody Uchiha in a village full of Ninja- near impossible.

That's not all though.

...What kind of teacher ends up planting _pornography _on one of his students?

I was sorting some documents for Tsunade- every now and then I handle the Genin mission reports on top of classes. It's fairly straightforward, and there's a familiar face for them when they come to hand in their paperwork. It does mean that they have to find me at the Academy but still, I'm always in the classroom during morning break anyway. Because of my visit to Naruto before I left to teach, it left me with little time. I was in a hurry.

Of all people. Hyuuga Hinata.

She probably suffered a heart attack when she found it; but she never came to hand it back in. I can only deduct that it ended up getting out again somehow.

Anyway, the poor girl had come along to hand in a few papers from Team Eight's mission last week. There had been complications, something about accusations of 'criminal damage' that can easily be assumed as being the handiwork of a certain over-excited nin-dog. Still, they've paid for the breakages out of their wages. Hinata came to hand in the forms, as her team were having the day off.

She looked a little pale. I'd say she probably needed the break.

Still, when you see an opportunity... Again, I'm kicking myself, but there was a bunch of signed papers that I needed delivering to the Hokage Tower by midday, and of _course _Hinata-chan would offer to lighten my workload and drop them off on the way back to the Hyuuga complex... I should have seen it coming.

Still, I had no way of knowing that the pile included something that definitely _wasn't _for innocent eyes.

I've been trying to get rid of that book for months. Well, I say that, but I'd _never _destroy it, despite threats of burning it/shredding it/feeding it to Pakkun if Kakashi didn't stop getting it out in public. After all, it's his property, and I had no right to keep it with me. I should have... I don't know... Maybe just dropped it off at home for him to find later, or something?

...You're going to tell him, aren't you?

It's all my fault.

Look, if you find it, let me know, okay? Maybe you ought to find Hinata-chan and just make sure no lasting damage has been done... I'd find her myself, but there's test papers to be marked, students to teach... Everything's a mess at the moment. The sooner it's found, the better. Then Kakashi can just read his damned book, instead of finding other ways to satisfy his inner pervert. There's only so much a person can take in the space of a few days.

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_End of Chapter Eleven. This is fairly short compared to some of the others, but again with the Shino issue. Don't want to let them get OOC, and I've never seen Iruka as the type to go rambling on over nothing. Reviews are appreciated! Next chapter coming soon to a fanfic near you! X3_

_Ally_


	12. Hinata

Icha Icha Missing

Chapter Twelve: Hinata

By: Rai-Child

Fandom: Naruto

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto OR My Name Is Earl or any of the characters.

Summary: When Kakashi's smut goes missing, no one is safe...

Author's Note: _X3 Hello again! Welcome to 'the chapter that I'm actually happy with':) Many thanks to anyone who reviewed on the last chapter- I know it was a little shorter than the others. Hopefully, this should compensate- I seem to have caused a lot of trouble for Hina without realising it... 0.o; Enjoy!_

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Uh... Ano...

You know the kind of girl who seems invisible? Someone who wants to be strong, and prove herself, and uh... _not _end up arguing all the time... but, no one ever seems to notice? The kind of girl who wants to be just...

Just like...

Never mind. J-just someone I know...

My name is Hinata.

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S-sometimes I think things like this aren't supposed to happen to people like me.

I hear about it all the time- Sakura-chan talking about Naruto-kun and Sasuke and their antics, Tenten-chan with Lee and Gai-sensei... Even Ino-chan, I guess, although her teammates are much more down-to-earth than mine are... This past week has just been like... Uh... Well, just like something that happens to interesting people. _Louder _people, I guess, but please don't tell _them _that... I... I don't know what I'd do if they found out I'd been saying things...

See, I'm the kind of girl who's there just to clear everything up, does that make sense?

I feel like I've been a little... erm... 'caught-in-the-middle', so to speak. Caught in the middle of everyone's business.

It all started... Well... No, let me try again, I'm sorry...

Look, I've been watching Naruto for a while. ...That sounds awful. I mean- he looked a little odd the afternoon before all the girls went over to Sakura's for the night, I didn't ask why. Well, I _did _try. I always do. Still, this time... I don't even think he saw me. Usually he notices but gets bored and walks away whilst I'm t-trying to get my words out, but...

But...

No, no, it's okay. I'm fine. I- It's just a little sad, you know?

Sakura-chan told me later that he was 'being a brat', but at the time I was kinda worried, because it's _Naruto, _and he was just kinda lying on the floor. It took me about five minutes to summon enough courage to nudge him, but he mumbled something and I panicked...

In the end I had to leave him. I told Sakura-chan later that night that something was up, but as I said, she told me he was being i-idiotic and... And that he should have been left anyway... I felt bad for him. Maybe I should have dragged him back to the complex, you know, been there for him when he woke up and all... He would have _had _to listen to me then. Probably would have had to go and fetch Kiba or Shino to help, but it would have been fine, right?

...Everything always looks so much simpler in hindsight. It's a pity the Byakugan can't access the future. Maybe I would have known how awful I feel right now, and would have done things a little differently.

I didn't think much of it the night we spent at Sakura's- I mostly t-talked to Tenten-chan, because Ino and Sakura were arguing again... I don't really take much notice. My team yells a lot too; you learn to tune it out. Kurenai-sensei called it a 'defence technique'. Still, it was like everyone was completely on-edge, which was a shame, since I had hoped to relax. Sometimes I worry that they keep things from me; if I'm honest, I don't really g-get to talk to them properly. I haven't really spoken to anyone properly, with the exception of Kurenai-sensei of course... Everyone was very wrapped up in whatever was going on.

By the time I got back home, everything seemed to have happened without me even b-being there. The lock on my window was broken, there were pawprints on the floor and a package on my bed, which turned out to be forms. Kiba-kun had wrapped it to protect it from Akamaru, no doubt. I've been to the Inuzuka-compound- he invited me over last month. O-oh, and Shino-kun too, of course. I wouldn't have thought my father would allow me to visit a _boy, _but I don't think he really heard me when I asked for permission...

That's... That's a different story.

It's my own fault for not speaking loud enough. Kiba says he is going to install volume-control if I don't improve.

I have double-checked the locks on my window. He still makes me a little nervous sometimes.

Yes, erm... The mission report was wrapped in brown paper, as I said to protect it... That's where I was headed- it's always chaos where Kiba lives. Shino is a lot l-like myself when it comes to his clan, but it was fairly likely the paperwork would have been drooled on, (or worse), at Kiba's place.

I'm sorry- I'll try to stay on track...

Erm, so I opened it, and it turns out he hadn't... He hadn't even filled in any of the information it requested. It really didn't matter, I had some time on my hands, so I sorted it all. Shino-kun was angry with me afterwards, I think. It's hard to say. He just said I should have brought it to him so he could help, b-but really, I was fine. I think maybe that was the reason why Shino-kun dragged me with him to go and get the book...

Yes. The book. Kiba-kun had it with him in training, a little while ago. Well, he _did _have it, but I think Shino confiscated it. They were shouting, o-or at least Kiba was, a-and... Well, it makes me nervous... A lot of things do, to be honest, but I'm learning... I just stayed out of their way. It wasn't all too difficult, Kurenai-sensei punished them because they were late arriving... I don't know anymore. It was all very confusing.

When Shino-kun came to fetch me afterwards, I- I really didn't expect to be handling Kakashi-sensei's... Um... Kakashi-sensei's... romance novel...

I didn't expect to come across it on my own.

Shino explained to me that the book was Kakashi-san's Icha Icha Paradise, as he took me to the spot where he'd buried it... He said he'd... He'd buried it so that Kiba-kun wouldn't go digging it up. He told me that he had caught N-

Yes, Naruto-kun...

He's caught Naruto-kun and Kiba-kun looking at it when he took it off them. I suppose that's where Kiba got it from- after all, Kakashi-san is Naruto-kun's sensei, and... I guess he would have had the opportunity to take it. Naruto-kun is always doing exciting stuff like that; it's kinda the r- the reason why I was surprised when I ended up caught up in all of this...

The book wasn't there. There was already a hole when we arrived, but he said we should dig around it, you know, just to be absolutely certain. We were d-digging for at least half an hour, but it definitely wasn't there. Shino-kun thought it was Kiba, he said he would go to see him that next morning...

Kiba-kun didn't have it.

Because Iruka-sensei did.

I had spent the next morning finishing off the paperwork; there had been some... um... some _complications _on our mission the week before... D-damages, I'm afraid...

N-no, no it's wasn't me-

Look, the thing is, the mission report was a little late as it was... I was in a hurry. And so was Iruka-sensei, apparently. He looked... He seemed a little flustered. I know the feeling. A-and, maybe I would be a little jumpy too if I had... Well, it turns out...

Look, I went to the usual place- he's usually at the Academy, he handles the Genin mission reports for us... They're always basic, so it was fine, but... Well, he already had a lot of forms that needed delivering to the Hokage Tower. So, basically, I j-just swapped everything over; I offered to deliver them for him, since I was headed that way anyway...

Again, hindsight... I should have ke-kept my mouth shut...

I was so close, too. I could have just passed it on, and... And it wouldn't have been my problem, so... Well, let's just say things don't always go to plan. Things hardly ever go to plan, still, I shouldn't complain... Not Nar- _the _Ninja way, right?

I was mortified. I- I don't think I've ever been so embarrassed...

The book was in the signed reports.

I ran into Chouji-kun, what, m-metres from where I was supposed to be going? Y-yes; ran. Literally, I'm afraid... I don't think he even m-moved, but I fell backwards... I dropped everything, landed on my- my backside... And it was just _there. _It just made me think- if it was anyone else, t-then they would have laughed, right?

He just picked up everything, (including _me), _and stood there for a minute l-looking at Kakashi-san's book, a-and naturally, I tried to explain, but I couldn't get my words out...

It was horrible.

No, no- Chouji was really great about everything; he just took all of the papers and told me to go home... My elbow was bleeding from where I'd skidded, didn't hurt really, but he said he sh-ould have been watching where he was going... It really _wasn't _his fault, but he just took everything and told me to go. So I, well, I ran.

...You don't think anyone _else _saw?

I... I wonder where Iruka-sensei got the book? Shino-kun says he definitely buried it, and why would Iruka-sensei go digging around for... For stuff like that? I know it's Kakashi-san's, but still... He wouldn't know, would he?

My head hurts a little. Chouji took the forms to Tsunade- I'm guessing he must have t-taken the book back to Kakashi-san, he seemed to recognise it...

I suppose I- I'd better leave it at that... I've embarrassed myself enough as it is...

-----

_X3_

_Ally_


	13. Shikamaru And Chouji

Icha Icha Missing

Chapter Thirteen: Shikamaru And Chouji

By: Rai-Child

Fandom: Naruto

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto OR My Name Is Earl or any of the characters.

Summary: When Kakashi's smut goes missing, no one is safe...

Author's Note: _Apologies for the delay. :3 I hope you enjoy this latest installment- it's been difficult finding time to write it around Science exams... 0.o; Still, I love Shika and Chou. So much fun. X3_

-----

_You know the kinda guy who's always a step ahead of his opponents? The kinda guy who sees everything for what it is- a load of unnecessary hard work?_

The kinda guy who doesn't really like conflict much, would rather be-

_-cloudwatching-_

-eating chips with his best friend, than off killing enemies. The kinda guy who tends to fall in line, and just do his own job as best as he can, without challenging others.

_...It's not surprising really, when you're teamed up with a Yamanaka._

_My name is-_

-Chouji.

_-Shikamaru._

-----

_You know, I really didn't think it would be long before you called us in._

_How long has this... investigation... been going on for? A day? Two?_

It _is _all over Konoha. I don't think there's many people who haven't heard about it.

_Jeez- you'd have thought it was over something remotely important..._

...If it's Kakashi-san's, then I'm sure it's of value to him, Shika...

_Still; in the time it's taken to retrieve the damned thing, he might as well have brought another copy. And read a sequel or two. It's painfully obvious where this all started: it's obvious Team Seven have had a bigger hand than anyone, and still you've got us locked up in here until further notice-_

...Shiranui-san, Namiashi-san, I got the book not long ago after running into Hyuuga Hinata. 'Running into' being the key part there...

_...Chou..._

What?

_I thought we'd agreed on this..._

Look, I... Uh... I think it's important that we at least let them know what _we _know, and then-

_Hey, there's no 'we' involved in any of this. I never came across Hatake's porn. I'm just here for... Moral support._

Look, it was a few days ago. I still feel bad about it even now, regardless of the fact that Hinata-chan had got it from _Iruka-sensei _of all people, after all, I did send her flying. The worst part was that she started apologising like it was _her _fault, and then what was I supposed to do?

She was carrying papers. Lots of 'em. The book just kinda ended up on the floor somewhere along the line, and I thought she was going to pass out by the time I picked it up. I told her to leave it to me, and that I'd deliver it to Kakashi-san for her. I guess it was the least I could do, after nearly knocking her into next week...

_Perhaps your clumsiness is rubbing off on everyone else._

...You're just bitter 'cause you got-

_-okay, that's enough from you. You were talking about the book?_

Ah yes- that was the point when I ran into you in the street. After all, how was I supposed to know where Kakashi-san was? Perhaps the more logical thing to do would have been to take it back to Iruka, but at the time it didn't occur to me. I had it for a good hour before I ran into Shika, and he just-

_-didn't even touch Kakashi's stupid porn-_

-said that we should-

_-burn it-_

-wait until we ran into someone vaguely responsible who could return it safely. I _did _think about going to find Sasuke or something, but the whole thing was probably started by something Naruto-related anyway, so I thought best to just leave that idea. Plus, he makes me nervous. There's something about Sharingan that seriously creeps me out.

_Uh, so, anyway..._

_We were just walking along the street, you know, as you do, and the troublesome woman just sorta came up behind us, and-_

-and here's the fun part: Shika gets his ass kicked by a girl.

_Hey- he's lying- she just sailed right on past and yanked it out of your hands. That's your only flaw, Chou, you're sometimes a little slow for your own good-_

Wait, wait, you're going too fast... Why don't you just let me finish telling them what really happened, rather than going off with your... Your ramblings. You're going to have to face it sooner or later anyway, Shika.

We actually decided to go off to the training ground for a bit- if only to just do a bit of cloud-watching and eat chips. After all, how are you supposed to train properly when one member of your cell is off doing Kami-knows-what-

_Lurking... Watching and waiting for her chance to strike-_

So, we just left it at that.

...It was all going so well too...

You know, just nice, relaxed, nothing much to worry about... No enemy-nin, no yelling, just peace and quiet... And then it happened. I didn't even see her coming, actually-

Wuh? Who? You do know Yamanaka Ino, right?

_Now do you see the reason for my paranoia? Between her and my mother, I'm going to an early grave. Stress- that's what it is. It's ridiculous._

You shouldn't have got it out. Should'a just left it in your weapons pouch.

_No, what I should have done is dumped it in the river as soon as you showed me-_

-and betray Hinata-chan's trust? And Iruka-sensei?

_You're too soft for your own good. You wouldn't even have _known _about Iruka-sensei if I hadn't have overheard him on the way over to meet you. He seemed a little distracted, come to think of it. He had Gai by the front of his flak vest and was yelling something incoherent about Hyuugas and porn._

...You can picture the situation, right? We're just flat on our backs, minding our own business, and all of a sudden there's this Kunoichi-shaped shadow over us. I look up, and she's there.

_Grinning. Not to mention the fact that her hands are in that stupid bowl of hers, and she's aiming right at me._

If I'm too slow, then you're too lazy. Too lazy to get up and _move-_

_And you were no help, either. She's all-_

_"Chou-kun, you'll catch me, right?"_

_-and you say bugger all to stop her, and next thing I know she's marching me back towards Konoha!_

You reckon you've got it bad... she just sorta collapsed. She's all sharp angles- sunk her elbow right into my gut and everything-

_...You look a little confused, Shiranui-san._

_It's mind-control, see. Sneaky. She walked _my body _through Konoha, whilst Chouji babysitted her own form. He just swung her over his shoulder and followed her... me..._

_...Okay, now _I'm _a little confused... And that's saying a hell of a lot…_

_Ugh. I can't tell you how annoying it is. The worst part was that she didn't even bother putting the book away- so basically everyone saw _me _reading Icha Icha, followed by Chouji who had an unconscious blonde girl practically around his neck... It's ridiculous. Jiraiya-san, of all people, approached me yesterday and offered me a discount on his latest atrocity._

...You should have just accepted it.

_Wuh-_

Hey, if it saves money... I'm sure Kakashi-san would appreciate it. You could'a given it to him.

_...Why are you smirking?_

By the time Ino let Shika go, he was in too much of a bad mood to protest. It's amazing how quick she recovers too- we'd reached the shop, and she just handed the book to me, broke the Jutsu, took it _back_ from me and skipped inside. Hardly flinched- one minute she's humming-

_-in MY voice-_

-and the next she's telling me to put her down.

_Are you following this?_

And the great Nara Shikamaru here just stood there, looking bewildered as she slammed the door in our faces. Although, hey, don't feel bad, buddy. I reckon she's a worthy opponent for just about anyone, jeez-

_...We're not speaking. If you wanna drag me into this troublesome mess, then you can forget it-_

_What are you looking at me like that for?_

...Shikamaru?

_Hmm?_

Wanna go get some chips?

_...Fine._

I saw Ino this morning, actually, if you need to find her... She's usually in the shop. Or stalking Sasuke. One of the two. She was in the street fighting with Sakura about two hours ago, so she could be anywhere by now.

_Yeah, yeah, just follow the trail of destruction and you should be okay. Chouji, we're leaving._

But-

_After the kinda week we've had, I reckon we deserve some time for cloud watching, right?_

-----

_End of Chapter 13. X3_

_Ally_


	14. Ino

Icha Icha Missing

Chapter Fourteen: Ino

By: Rai-Child

Fandom: Naruto

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto OR My Name Is Earl or any of the characters.

Summary: When Kakashi's smut goes missing, no one is safe...

Author's Note:_ Hi:3 Welcome to the penultimate chapter! I really hope you enjoy. Apologies for the wait- again- it's been hell with coursework etc. I've had a lot of deadlines to meet. 0.o; Good news is that I've already started on what _should_ be the last chapter- but I'm not so sure. I want to finish it at a good point, y'know? I'll just have to see how it goes. Voila._

-----

You know the kinda girl who has everything- strength, confidence, startling good looks... The kinda girl who's something close to _immaculate, _but is always being held back by mindless hanger-ons, who she's _obviously _better than, but the right people never seem to recognise it...

Forehead-girl's got nothing that I haven't.

Well... Save the forehead itself, I guess... But that's a blessing.

My name is Ino.

-----

You know, even now, after _everything_ that's happened, I still find it hard to believe the attitude that girl's got on her.

Haruno Sakura.

You heard the yelling out there before, right? Nothing I couldn't handle. Tenten-chan looked a little freaked, though. Sometimes I wonder why- most people have come to expect Forehead-girl's stupidity. Makes me wonder exactly _why _Sasuke-kun would trust her with such an important aspect of his mission...

Yes, I know everything. Well, more or less, anyway.

Hey, what can I say? It's a talent. Usually I'm the one to give _out _general gossip, after all, it's far too easy to get inside people's heads, but this time around... It was a little trickier.

I just see it as a challenge. Just something else I can excel in.

Funnily enough, I didn't even need to rely on my looks. Not that they would have worked again _Sakura _anyway, as I highly doubt she swings in that particular direction what with all the hassle she gives Sasuke-kun. Can't leave him alone. Honestly.

It was a fairly simple matter at the time. Same sort of technique I used to actually acquire the book in the first place, although I have to say that Shikamaru makes for an easier target. He's almost perminantly stationary. Still, Billboard-brow was off on one of her rants, the gist of which was basically 'how dare you steal my porn', aaaaaand I just captured her when she paused for breath.

...If only you could have seen her face.

True, she's usually difficult to keep within my Jutsu. Don't ask why, let's just say it's just a matter of time before some circus picks her up as their new main attraction. If the forehead doesn't stun you, that what's _behind_ it will.

This 'dual-personality' business has been an issue before, but at the time I had just eaten. Makes for more chakra. Better-quality chakra. It's easier to trap someone if you're in top form, that's what Daddy always says.

She was a tough nut to crack; I'll give her that. Really, it's just selfishness. She didn't want to let me in- wanted it to be her little secret even though she didn't have a clue as to where Kakashi-san's smut had got to after she had finished drooling over it. I really think Sasuke would have been better off coming to find _me _after he had managed to get hold of it. Although, it's pretty obvious she just bugged him until he gave in. He wouldn't have told her otherwise. No way.

Heh. You missed all the action.

Leaving my _own _body behind was just a small price to pay. It was within sight, before you start lecturing me. I've been in tighter situations- not just a pretty face. You learn to keep your cool.

She probably would have yelled. Shouted, screamed, just like she always does.

I've always had a more… mature… sort of approach.

I just walked that giant forehead up and onto the roof, and threatened to remove her clothes if she didn't spill.

Hey, all's fair in... Uh... Love and... smut-napping.

If it wasn't Sasuke, I'd say it was ridiculous. Obviously he had thought it through, and had some sort of relevant reason. It's _Sasuke-kun _after all. He's smarter that than. I was fairly impressed with how it had been executed, once I had got Sakura to give in.

Of course, the important part was what came previously. Act of genius on my part, it's safe to say. Now I come to think of it, I guess it was all corrective action. I didn't know at the _time_ that Sakura had managed to lose it, but hindsight is a wonderful thing, after all. It's easier to contemplate exactly what went on, even though I am naturally a spur-of-the-moment kinda girl...

Don't get me wrong, I trust Chouji and Shika completely, but sometimes you need a certain type of person in order to get the ball rolling. Someone who can take action. Hell, if it were down to them, they'd probably still be out there now, fast asleep, with Hatake Kakashi's pornography sitting in Shikamaru's lap.

Now _that _would be difficult to explain to his parents, I'm sure.

I _was _originally going to go along and sit on Chouji for a bit, you know the drill, poke Shikamaru until he bothers to move. They usually make for adequate entertainment- I'm easily bored. No problem with my attention span, mind you, it's just everything seems so _dull _sometimes...

Anyway, there I was. Crouched. Poised. They'd obviously given up on training. Can't function properly without me, see. I had to sort my hair- couldn't go out with it _wet. _Just because the boys don't care about their hygiene, why should I have to be the same?

I was fast. Just jumped out and caught Shika as he turned to look at me... There were a few words spared for Chouji- he looked like I'd grown an extra head or something. Still, he did a decent job. Always been reliable.

Shika was... Not happy. He kept yelling, as he always does. He's a always lot more interesting when he's caged up in his own mind. All in all, the walk back into Konoha was... Pure satisfaction. Nothing like success, eh?

Urgh- but you should have seen what Forehead-girl was nosebleeding over...

Disgusting.

I took a good look myself, you know, something for the locals to look at. Seems like Shika will have to face the 'son, we have to talk' father-speech after all. You know, warnings about the dangers of women and our nether-regions etc.

What's the word...

Ah. Troublesome.

He must have repeated it about six times over before I reached the flower shop. A quick switch-over later, and I had my body _and _the book, and I just went off inside. That's the thing with men, you see. You need to put them in their place; otherwise they just walk all over you.

Or try to, anyway. So far, success rates have been considerably low.

But still- this is where things got hairy...

Even _I'm _not sure exactly what happened... Just popped up out of nowhere.

That very same night. I was actually asleep at the time; it's always good to get at least eight hours. Dark-eyed and pale isn't a brilliant look for anyone. Just look at Sakura.

I sensed their chakra immediately. Always alert to changes, even when asleep. _That's _one of the most basic lessons we were taught back at the Academy.

...Makes me wonder exactly _why _Iruka-sensei and Kakashi-san didn't notice Sasuke in the first place...

...Further evidence of his brilliance, I suppose.

Yes. Where was I... Ah.

It was some guy. Couldn't have been a girl; too broad in the shoulders. Total creep- breaking into a girl's room like that. You should have felt his chakra; it was... Decidedly odd. Weird. Like nothing I've ever sensed before... It was dark outside- quite late. Must have been at least midnight, maybe a few minutes after. He came in through the window... I just saw his silhouette as he broke the latch on the window, came into the room...

Naturally, with no way to see, targeting his eyes was an impossible task.

I did the only think that seemed realistic at the time.

I screamed.

Loud.

And he's there, reaching towards me, I _swear it, _I could hear his heavy breathing he was so close... And he reached up, to the shelf over my bed, started fumbling around, things went toppling to the floor and it was _terrifying..._

I was about ready to kick his ass- I always keep kunai under my pillow, for times like these- when Daddy burst into the room. He'd heard my yelling, and obviously wasn't about to let his Princess be dismembered by an unhinged maniac...

You should have seen how fast the intruder moved.

Still, seeing Daddy after he's been just woken up is enough to scare anyone. Hell, even _I _would have made a break for it rather than face his wrath. Things generally tend to get ugly when his beauty-sleep is disturbed...

It's quite annoying, really. The light from the hallway should have been enough to see who had practically _assaulted _me, but he was back through that window and out into the street before I could get my bearings. Sakura's whining... Urgh- it's painfully obvious that I'm the injured party here. _She _wasn't the one to be involved with such violence.

Daddy was not impressed in the slightest. He's sorting out a new lock for my window- or at least trying to. I reckon I ought to bring in an expert in the field. D.I.Y was never his strong point- you should see the mess he made of the shop front when he first took over...

I was too jittery to sleep, but then can you really blame me? I turned on the light, and lo and behold- they'd taken the book. So _now _we know it was a pervert-creep-jerk who has a taste for second-hand filth...

If you ever _do _find out who it was, needless to say, I'd be more than interested in knowing.

After all, a story's always a _lot_ more interesting to tell if you pay attention to fine detail.

-----

_:3 I'd love to hear what you think!_

_Ally_


	15. Jiraiya

Icha Icha Missing

Chapter Fifteen: Jiraiya

By: Rai-Child

Fandom: Naruto

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto OR My Name Is Earl or any of the characters.

Summary: When Kakashi's smut goes missing, no one is safe...

Author's Note:_ Hello again. :3 Welcome to the final chapter of Icha Icha Missing. Apologies for the wait- I'm right in the middle of my exams at the moment, but I've been using my non-revision time to get this finished. I hope you enjoy!_

--

You know the kinda guy who appreciates detail? Who recognises the important things in life; such as where the best 'sightseeing' places are in Konoha, or how to conduct _ahem_... special research... without getting caught and/or slapped?

Yeah.

It's a gift.

My name is Jiraiya!

--

Interesting, isn't it, how something so _simple _could have such an impact on certain people...?

Of course, when the people in question are simple _themselves, _I guess it just puts things into perspective. Not forgetting, of course, that good literature always does get to people in the strangest of ways, you know... Hits them hard inside and leaves a distinct impression on their hearts...

I take it back.

I'm not surprised in the slightest.

Particularly, of course, due to the fact that this _is _Hatake Kakashi who's in question. I've given him a tip or two during our random meetings. Despite Kakashi's immature _grinning, _I've taught him practically everything he knows, so he should really have had more respect. No, no... Moving on from 'how to handle your students'- I'm not talking ninjutsu here.

What could be more important that ninjutsu...?

Are you even _listening _to yourself, Raidou?

Boobs, boy! _Boobs! _And... uh... other parts... Shame on you. _Everyone _loves my writing- you're missing out. The whole village is laughing at you.

So, at the end of the day...

I suppose you could say that the whole spectacle was _my _fault. In advertently, of course, but it's been highly amusing to observe, to say the very least.

I've been following. That telescope of mine isn't just for changing rooms and looking up skirts, _oh no. _It's been fairly simple really, after all, these _are _only Genin we're talking about, with the odd exception, and despite the fact that they've all fooled each other, tricking _me _would be a different matter.

I'm outta everyone's league, baby. Some people just haven't realised it yet. And again- the whole 'sannin' thing is irrelevant. No one loves porn more than me. Or maybe Tsunade. We all know what she _really _keeps in that desk of hers.

Blame me if you will. I wrote the absolutely amazing piece of literary genius that is Icha Icha. I gave Kakashi a copy of the latest book for a reduced price, seeing as he's my best customer.

...When you're living with Iruka, certain belongings tend to be... destroyed... and ultimately need replacing on a regular basis.

Erm...

And I introduced Hatake to the delights of adult material. All it took was a free copy of my latest installment at the time, and then there was no stopping him. Like... Giving Naruto a crate or two of ramen after starving him for a couple of months.

Are you happy now?

...Genma, you might want to clean up the mess later. I think your friend's bleeding from his ears.

_So. _There's something I've been withholding. _Information, _no?

You wanna know where it is now? Where Icha Icha currently lies?

Ho, I'm going to _enjoy _this...

Okay. Let's recap, shall we? You might want to cross-reference this with your records, boys.

This whole spectacle started out with Mr. Uchiha Sasuke breaking and entering the Hatake-Umino residence, with the primary intention of thieving my famous romance novel. It was passed on to teammate Haruno Sakura, in order to prevent it falling into the hands of Naruto. Sakura took it home, and it was taken in the morning by Tenten.

...No, I _didn't _see exactly how she got hold of it...

I _don't _spy on thirteen-year-old girls at their little get-togethers.

And...

...The curtains were closed. _Anyway!_

Tenten dropped it in the street, and it was found by Rock Lee and Hyuuga Neji, the latter of which tossed it aside with _complete disregard _and _obvious ignorance _to it's brilliance. It was found by young Konohamaru, pure proof that Icha Icha is loved by people of all ages, and taken by Inuzuka Kiba and his nin-dog.

It was at this point that it was spotted by Uzumaki Naruto, however, the pair of them were not fast enough in concealing the prize and had it effectively confiscated by Aburame Shino, (another huge fan of my work, I must add). Later, following a detailed inspection of the content, I'm sure, it was buried just west of the village. Shino then went to retrieve the book, taking along Hyuuga Hinata, only to find that it was gone.

Naruto, miraculously employing the stealth techniques he evidently hasn't got and most likely never will obtain, had stolen the book and taken it back to his apartment. Rather stupidly, he hadn't bothered to hide it when Iruka went around to visit, and it was confiscated once again. From there it was, by a rather unfortunate twist of fate, handed along to Hinata, who immediately identified it as the book she and Shino had previously tried to locate. Akimichi Chouji offered to deliver it to Kakashi personally since she had errands to run, however he and Nara Shikamaru lost it to teammate Yamanaka Ino, when neither had the reflexes to stop her from stealing it.

Still with me...?

And, to my knowledge, you _are _aware that it was taken from the Yamanakas that night?

See, not too long ago, I ran into something... interesting... whilst on my way back home. Interesting... Not in the same way that the vantage point from the roof of the Hot Springs is interesting, but... Curious.

...Were you aware that the Kyuubi no Youko can bleed into the kid's unconsciousness...?

Naruto.

Wandering the streets.

It's a wonder no one got him with a tranquilliser gun.

I'm not really surprised he gave Miss Yamanaka a fright- all fangs and no chakra control whatsoever. It was like someone had flicked the 'autopilot' switch.

Still, there was no need for the hysterics that were previously employed, really, _completely_ harmless in a state of sleep. When I found he had the book, it was just a case of taking it from him and directing him back to his apartment. Nothing serious happened; after all, on my way over here I saw him and Sasuke happily smashing each other's faces into the dirt.

Ah. Kids. Gotta love 'em.

So yes. It's a fact. The much-feared Demon Fox deliberately sought out Icha Icha Paradise. Admittedly, it _is _fairly likely that it was on a more instinctive sort of level, since it had been taken from the boy not long ago, but it's concrete evidence nevertheless. Tsunade never has to know about the 'animal urges' theory- it's better if she's kept in the dark.

Secures bragging rights, you know?

...You really should have come to me first, shouldn't you? Feeling a little silly at this moment in time?

And, I hate to tell you this boys, you know, 'bringer of bad news' and all that...

Handed the book back to Kakashi early this morning.

As in, _before _you two decided to open up your little 'interview' room. It's cute, I'll give you that, but completely unnecessary.

Wha? _Why?_

Think about it. Put yourself into the shoes of Hatake Kakashi.

No work.

No brats to pretend to teach.

Guilty lover who is compelled to dote on you for the foreseeable future- until the book's safe return, that is. After all, poor Iruka-sensei felt _so _awful after letting Kakashi's most prized possession slip through his fingers... Not that he wouldn't have disintegrated it on a normal day, but hey...

Heh. It's been quite the wild-goose chase.

Feel free to do what you will, but... I'd leave it until tomorrow. It's getting late.

And at least let Kakashi get the most out of his newfound 'sympathy sex' routine before Iruka tries to cut off his genitals. I reckon the guy deserves it, if only for having the nerve to keep up the act so far.

Oh, and not forgetting the fact that I now have some _very _interesting ideas for my next instalment…

I'll be sending you a free copy, Namiashi-_san._

--

_Well, that's it, folks. I feel… Kinda sad that it's finished._

_A big thank you to _everyone _who has commented- your thoughts are much appreciated, and thank you so much for taking the time to review; particularly to those who've consistently shared their ideas and views regarding the plot etc. all the way through. I've never had this big a response to a fic before- it's been… A little scary… :3_

_Naturally, any final words regarding the ending are very, very welcome. I'm a little nervous._

_God bless._

_Ally_


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